Math Phobia


I am a Post-Graduate in English Literature and aspiring to bag a job in government sector, especially in a public sector bank. Past two years, I have been appearing for these recruitment exams, but there is something which is holding me back from qualifying these exams. That “something” is nothing but an underlying phobia, which I have been harbouring since the day I began preparing for these exams: The Math Phobia.

Well, this aversion towards Mathematics is something which I have developed recently, about two years ago. The scenario was completely opposite few years back. I was amongst the top scorers in Mathematics in my school. Right from my primary school days, where I was awarded a trophy for scoring highest marks in Maths, up to 10th standard, where I scored 142/150 in board exams, I was quite sharp in Mathematics. Then again during my 12th boards, I had taken science stream and scored 70% in Maths paper. It was not just about scoring but I actually loved solving Maths problems. I enjoyed every hour that I spent doing Maths. Back then, I was totally a Maths lover and had never imagined I would develop such a fear towards Maths in future.

During my graduation, I changed my stream from Science to Arts, where Maths was not in my electives for the course. So with this, I lost contact with the subject for the next few years until I completed my graduation and started appearing for these recruitment exams, which reunited me with Maths in the form of Quantitative Aptitude section.

This was the time when I began struggling with mathematical problems. I had forgotten the basics, slowed down in calculations and at times didn’t understand the logic behind the question. I started feeling low confident about this subject. In first few exams, I either left the Quantitative aptitude section completely blank or attempted only 4-5 problems at the most. Many a times I ran out of time. I knew it was not going to work like this and I had no option of leaving a section blank because of the sectional cut-offs. Even if there were no sectional cut-offs for some exams, I couldn’t afford leaving an entire Maths section blank as it would still affect my overall score to a great extent. So, there was no point in running away from this.

Now, after 8 failed attempts in previous exams, I have decided to face my problem and overcome my phobia before attempting the next papers. One fine day, it just struck me, why not tackle this problem same like a mathematical problem; in step by step manner!

I realized the first step that I need to take was to identify the actual problem. The actual problem was not that I didn’t understand Maths or lacked the ability to solve mathematical problems, but I had started believing that I lacked mathematical abilities. Earlier, while preparing for the exams, I used to directly jump on solving questions from exercises and mock tests and when I couldn’t do it, I used to feel de-motivated. This happened mainly because I had forgotten the basic concepts and fundamentals of Mathematics.

When I identified this actual problem, I started working on it from level 0: building up my fundamentals. I approached every chapter right from its basics and started solving examples related to each concept. This time, I decided not to solve by my own in the initial stages. Instead just look at the solution under the problem and solve in similar way.

I changed my pattern of study. I decided to focus on my practice rather than evaluating myself as right or wrong. Why should I fear going wrong during my practice session? Even if I do go wrong and make mistakes, I will learn the concept in a better way, and eventually, I will learn to solve correctly. Not to forget that mistakes are a part of learning. I need not be hard on myself. I need not assess myself during my practice sessions. I must solely focus on grasping and understanding the problem. The assessment part can be taken care of later.

Study time or practice sessions are meant for improving your techniques, learning the correct methods and achieving speed and accuracy in calculations, and so on…so as to reach perfection.

That day onwards, I decided to simply sit with my Quantitative Aptitude books and start solving every problem by looking at its solution. This way I began to train my mind to learn the concept, understand the logic behind every problem and learn different methods in which the problem can be approached. I went on solving this way. Slowly, I started solving exercises given under each topic, on my own. I learnt better and faster methods to solve a problem. This way of studying and practicing was easier and fun to learn as I had full freedom to understand, make mistakes, all at my own pace, without judging myself.

When I felt more confident with my practice, I began solving mock test. I realized that I had actually attempted around 60% problems correctly from quantitative section, within the stipulated time. From not being able to solve a single problem to being able to solve more than half of the questions from the section was a great progress. Though it was a mock test, it was a big achievement for me. It was the first step towards my success.

I went on practicing in the same way, with my skills and confident level soaring with each passing day. Now I have again started enjoying Maths. I have found the key to overcome my fear. That key is Practice, practice and practice! And it is applicable for all other subjects too.

My exams are just round the corner. I know, this time I will face them with a relaxed mind, a cheerful countenance and a confident attitude. This time I will crack all my exams with flying colours!



The Real Aim Of Studying

What an immense pleasure I get, when I spend my time studying! The feeling of ‘a day well spent’ in the company of my books. The knowledge flowing out of them is free in the atmosphere, to be absorbed by your senses and assimilated by your intellect. Studying is not merely sitting with the books, reading your chapters and remembering them from an examination perspective. It is, in fact, learning something more in every single reading that you give to it.

While you read, you not only gain knowledge, but also the values hidden within. You may or may not remember the content of the book in long run, but you will always take along with you the values. Reading the content makes you knowledgeable, but grasping the values that follow, makes you wiser.

What studying has done more to me is that it keeps my mind fresh, positive and in active mode. Three hours of studying gives me much more sense of accomplishment than writing a three hours of examination. And, that doesn’t stop with the three hours; the brain continues to reflect on that study, subconsciously, for the coming hours. The quality of your study matters more than the quantity. ‘How well’ you studied is more important than ‘how much’ you studied.

Graduation and Post-Graduation might be a normal thing in today’s world. It will definitely earn you degrees, which then become your prerequisite qualification for your further studies or for acquiring a job. But is acquiring a degree enough?

Education should not be merely based upon degrees and certificates. Those are just qualifying criteria for formal administration. The real essence of education lies in its ability to bring about positive personal growth, increase in the intellectual level and wisdom, as well as the degree to which one can think in a broader and rational manner; all for the benefit of self and the society.

So, that’s what should be the aim of studying, not just to clear your examination and earn a degree, but to learn and educate yourself, and thus, implementing all the values that you acquire from it, in your day-to-day life.

Heartbreak and Self talk

Past few days my thoughts have become more of a self talk. When the heart breaks, it is the brain that gets entangled in all kinds of thoughts; positive and negative, especially when someone steps on your emotions and self esteem all at the same time.

It’s for one more time in my life that my heart is broken. It’s kind of weird feeling this time as on one side, I am feeling indifferent to whatever happened and on the other, I am feeling sad for losing someone whom I loved with my whole heart. I don’t know whether he loved me or not, cause he never expressed his love for me directly. Somewhere his actions showed that he too had the same feelings for me and I was still happy with that. But probably, his love for me was not as much important to him as his anger and ego, which came between us and tore us apart.

In a healthy relationship, people fight, get mad at each other, have arguements, but then they come back together, as love and the person they love is more important to them than anything else. What distresses me more is that I have never found a person who valued me and loved me more than his ego. The kind of a person who will keep holding on to me no matter how worse the situation gets, the one who will never make me feel ignored, unwanted or lonely in his company.

Till now, I have only come across people who had huge pride and ego, for whom love was just a word, who never gave a commitment and even when given couldn’t keep it till end. And, I feel worse that I gave my 100% to those who didn’t even deserve my 50!

Then I start asking myself…Why do I always keep falling for the wrong ones? Why has never a right person approached me? Why am I so unlucky when it comes to finding the love of my life? I have been broken so many times and every time I have stood up and tried to love again, but failed miserably. Every time when a new person came in my life, he made me think that this time it will work. But no, it never did. It always failed. What was my mistake? I always gave my best. I always valued that person. I always paid gratitude to God for bringing that person in my life. Where did I go wrong then? People just took me for granted, didn’t value my presence, belittled me, and didn’t treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

Sometimes, I just get angry on myself for wasting my precious feelings on these worthless people. I know that it’s not me who is lacking anything. It’s them who aren’t capable of loving, who aren’t courageous enough to commit for lifetime, who aren’t willing to stand by and fight through difficult times. And, I deserve someone much much better than them…I deserve nothing but the best. In fact, it won’t be fair to compare that ” Best one” with the past ones.

There are times when I feel tired waiting for that “Right” person to come in my life. I just have no energy and strength left to deal with the wrong ones anymore. It feels better to be single, atleast my heart won’t be at the risk of getting hurt again.

Whatever the thing might be…one thing that I have decided now is that I won’t wait for anyone. Deep down my heart knows that the right person for me exists and will arrive at the right time. So I need not waste my time waiting. All I have to do now is stop looking for him and get going with my life.

This time I have decided to change my attitude. I want to spend a quality time introspecting and exploring myself. I want to shower on myself all the love and affection that I kept offering to the ones who never valued it. I want to enjoy my own company as much as I can. I want to give it all to myself first and build myself into strong, confident and successful person. I want to dedicate this precious time of my life to myself and for my personal growth and development. I want to make my goals, my priority, and excel in every sphere of life. The way I have given my 100% to others, this time I want to give that 100% to myself.

I want to achieve something worthwhile now. I want to use all this hurt and pain as a motivating force to push me forward towards success. I know, this is going to be difficult in the beginning, but I also know that it isn’t impossible. I believe, I have the will and the power in me, and I CAN DO IT !

All I decide now is to focus on my goals, make my dreams come true, and to be happy and smiling through all good and bad times…. To keep fighting and never give up!

Finding Myself…

  At present, I am 25 years old, having no job, just sitting at home and waiting for my MA -Part 2 results. I aspire to bag a job in a public sector bank, but I am not able to put as much amount of efforts in studies as needed to crack the recruitment exam. For some reason, I feel stuck and life seems going nowhere.

    I almost wasted my two months doing nothing productive apart from learning typing, which I started a month back. Learning typing is the only thing which I feel is keeping me somewhere on right track. Though I feel bored with it at times, it’s a skill which will surely benefit me in future. It’s been a month since I joined the typing class and I am quite a lot enjoying it.

  Yesterday I was feeling very hopeless thinking about my future. I was feeling very lost and confused. And not just yesterday, this is what I have been feeling past two months. So last night too I slept with this low feeling in my mind. In my mind, I was hopefully waiting for my condition to change. Nothing seemed to motivate me all these days. I was feeling lethargic.

  Today morning when I woke up and started with my chores, I suddenly felt a positive spark within me. I got a thought that why am I wasting my days just making a fuss about what I don’t have with me, where instead I can make the most out of what I already have with me. Immediately, I took the newspaper and started going through it. I was reading newspaper after a very long time. I wondered how I could stay away from reading all these days. I realized that I was so much in love with English language that it always gave me immense pleasure whenever I read or wrote or spoke in English. Moreover, being an English literature student, English language was so close to my heart that even though English was not my mother tongue I thought my thoughts in English!

  So English is something that brought a ray of hope and positivity within me. There is so much productive I can do with this language itself : Read English newspapers, magazines, blogs, books,…writing blogs, diary, poems, stories, English …working on my vocabulary, grammar, spoken language,…etc. Moreover, English is one of the subjects I have for my competitive exams. So working on my English can help me reap great benefits in every way.

 So, today I decided to start working on my English in every possible way. And now, along with typing,, I have one more skill to improve, and that is my English language. Realizing what a versatile gift I have with me right now has helped me come out of my hopeless mode. Now, I am looking forward to make this language an asset for me and discover new horizons.

  I can now say that at times we may feel we are lost or stuck somewhere in life, but all we have to do is keep faith that with time, things will take a turn for better and help us discover our right path.  






Man vs. Nature

Some things are better understood by observing the nature around us and being aware that we are also a part of it. All animals easily adapt themselves to their environment the moment they are born. But man has to be taught and has to learn the basic things for his survival. How much ever man considers himself to be advanced and intelligent, he many a times fails to acknowledge the fact that he, just like other living beings, is a part of nature.

Man thinks that other animals or trees around him cannot talk his language and so he tries to impose his language upon them. There have been many attempts by scientists and researchers to teach words and speech from human languages to wild animals like chimpanzees. And such experiments have miserably failed, also causing harm to the animals.

Man, at times, fails to identify himself as a unique species of animal having unique features. A dog barks, a cow moos, an owl hoots and a man talks. A dog may not be expecting a man to bark like it, neither does a owl expects a cow to hoot. Why then a man thinks that other animals who can’t speak his language are not as intelligent as he is ?

Man has his own unique features, designed to serve his purpose and role on the earth, just the way other animals have their’s, in order to fulfill their purpose of living. Each being is designed differently and has to play their role in the life cycle.

Man categorises the world around him as natural and man made. He uses natural resourses, processes them, regenerate things that help him adapt to the environment, thus giving birth to ‘man-made’ world!

Marriage: My perspective

1. People should be happy within their own company first. Then only they can be happy with any other relationship, including marriage. You cannot expect any other person to make you happy if you aren’t happy with your ownself.

2. Marriage will happen at right time, with the right person, for the right reason. Just be open to giving and receiving love.

Be positive, be patient and do not hurry.

3. Build yourself first..clear any emotional baggages..any prejudices…any false assumptions or notions…any complexes. Let go of the past, build your present and hope for the best bright future.

4. Prepare your mind to be receptive to changes that will come in your life with marriage. Change is universal, accept with open mind. Do not be judgemental.

5. Never get married if you are in loneliness or negative mindset regarding marriage. Because these negativity if persists within you, will negatively impact your life partner too. Do not marry just for the sake of it.

6. Marriage is a commitment to be together in sunshine as well as storms.

7. Responsibilities should be equally distributed.  Be a responsible individual first to be a responsible life partner.

8. Communication is important. Women and men think differently. You cannot expect your partner to always have same perspective or to always agree on any topic. But through communication you come to know about each other’s outlook and needs.

9. Giving each other time is important.

10. Never take people and their emotions for granted.

11. Any relationship takes time to grow and blossom. Understanding each other requires patience. It’s not just about being husband-wife or parents to your kids later, it’s about being friends, being soul-mates.

12. Mutual efforts should be put. Both partners should be willing to contribute.Team work.

13. Be genuine. Be truthful and trustworthy and loyal. Be loving and caring. Be considerate. Keep moving by maintaining balance.

14. Accept the person as they are. Don’t force anyone to change.

15. When two people are involved there are bound to be differences as well as similarities. Cherish the similarities and work on the differences. Helping each other grow into better individuals.

16. Respect each other’s individuality. Remember each person is different.

17. Don’t keep unrealistic expectations.

18. Disputes might occur but both the partners should be willing to sort out..learn to forgive.

19.Love, respect, understanding, romance, support and all that it takes is not a one time job. It should be practiced daily. It’s like a plant, if you don’t water it daily, it will wither away and die eventually.

Nurture it with care.

20. Stand by your partner. Support them, appreciate them, encourage them, show confidence. Be transparent to each other.

21. Just like no two fingers are same, similarly no two couples have the same story. Every marriage relationship is unique, so do not compare with others.

22. Understand that even though two people are tying knot to be together’s not easy thing. It has its own and downs. But when it happens in right manner it is the beautiful journey. Enjoy!

A journey worth it.

23. And once you begin the journey you will explore many more things.

24. Remember life is not smooth always. And difficult times are to test the strength of relation, which can only be proven when overcome together and with unity.

25. Practice observing couples who are happily not observe the ones who give negative take on marriage. There are lot of examples of happily married couples who have grown old together, died together, fought all the problems that came in life…together.

And this topic can just go on and on…You do not know how marriage can be unless you get actual personal experience…it all depends on destiny.

Live in reality but dream big and positive picture. I may not have personally experienced marriage yet. But, I believe, when two hearts are true to each other, everything is possible.

“Just hope for the best….wish u a very happy married life.” 😀😊